Angelthorne's Bard College

In honor of DC's "Relaunch Native American Superheroes" Month, we present a handy guide so you, too, can create an original Native American Superhero just like REAL comic book writers!

Some Things to Keep In Mind:

1) There are only two Native American tribes: Navajo and Cheyenne. And sometimes Apache.

2) All Native Americans live in teepees or pueblos located on impoverished reservations somewhere Arizona-looking.

3) All Native Americans are magical and good-looking, kind of like elves!

4) All Native Americans over the age of, say, 65 look like they are really 257 and are shaman, kind of like Gandalf!

5) All Native Americans, therefore, have a grandfather, great-grandfather or third cousin twice-removed who can impart magical knowledge to them, if only they would give up the White Man's ways and return to the land of their ancestors. Sometimes, this relative is dead and appears as a ghost or severed skull.

6) All Native Americans have an English first name and a two-part Indian last name that usually combines an animal and an adjective and always sounds cool. Most Indian ancestors, being magical, were able to see far enough into the future to pick names that describe their descendents, for example, a fast-runner conveniently named Wingfoot.

7) Every Indian tribe in America is familiar with the concept of Manitou, no matter what the Algonquins might tell you.

8) Nearly all Indians are veterans. Occasionally, they are social workers. Exactly one is a doctor. There are no Native American scientists, astronauts, lawyers or business-people.

9) All Indian superhero costumes must feature buckskin, beadwork and leather fringes. Extra points if you can work in some feathers, preferably in the form of a "warbonnet." Female Indians traditionally dressed like a frontier version of Britney Spears or backup singers for OutKast.

10) All Native Americans are chiefs, or are related to chiefs.

11) Your Indian superhero must have a code-name that sounds "Indian," like Thunderbird, Warpath or (God help us) Super-Chief.

12) Native Americans are ALWAYS serious and never, ever crack a smile or show any emotion other than stoic resolve, kind of like Vulcans! Likewise, all Native Americans speak very formally at all times.

Finally, remember that all Native Americans have inherent super powers, like super-tracking, ultra-vision or animal telepathy, again kind of like Elves! Or maybe Vulcans!

If you stick with these handy hints, you'll be cranking out original (not to mention culturally sensitive) Native American superheroes in no time! Good luck!

Labels: Comics